So drunk its hurt
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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