Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My cat gives me a boner
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
