Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
