Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She told me I should be a condom model.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
