..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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