so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
