I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
