i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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