Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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