you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
