Small penises have feelings too.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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