Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
