Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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