Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
