I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize