i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
