Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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