I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
