I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
