I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
