I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.