it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower