I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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