he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.