lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy