Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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