The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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