I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
