he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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