You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my poor anus
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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