she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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