Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
