so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
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She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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