can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
