i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
