All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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