Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Screwed.edu
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
