Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
