shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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