Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
