You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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