Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
