he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
