Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
