Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
