Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
