Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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