Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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