It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
