now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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