'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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