im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
