The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
