She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
