just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
