and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
