Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
