I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
