I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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