gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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