bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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