It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
