I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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