I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
