..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
