how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
