i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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